To help keep my mind on missionary work, Bishop Higgins got me the 2009 Missionary calendar. And it is totally working. Why did they ever excommunicate the guy who made that? I think they were just jealous -- 12 apostels -- 12 months of the year. I'm just saying.
THANK YOU BISHOP!!!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Never Fall In Love
I think thast the 11th article of faith should be "Thou Shalt Not Fall in Love." In fact, they should pretty much just get rid of the other ten, except for the one about murder, that's pretty good. And maybe the one about being stingy.
People email me all the time and ask "Tabitha, where have you gone? We don't see you in Bishop Higgins ward anymore. What happened?"
Well, I fell in love. And I'm not a stalker! I don't need the restraining order that Mr. Righteous Pants filed against me. I just really love him. I always have.
I never have told anyone this story, but this is how we first met. I was in an alley and a bunch of guys were cornering me. They didn't have enough money between them and they were angry. And then I heard this magnificent voice shout, "Leave her alone. Go thy way and sin no more." He was so kinda tall, and sturdy, and he stood there with such confidence and authority. And he was FAST! Those guys chased him three blocks until he hopped a fence and just took off. And he outran them all. When the guys got back I asked if they knew his name, because I couldn't see it on his badge, but they didn't so I gave them a discount if they promised to find out, I never saw them again.
But I found him online. Elder Stephen Erastus Knudsen III. And he was so stalwart, which is such a turn on. I felt like that Mary Magdaline person and like he was that guy who drew the line in the sand and told the other guys that they could only through stones at her if they repented of their sins, and they didn't want to repent so they went away and he like totally saved her life. And I think they got married or something. And when I finally met him and told him this, he said he thinks he's a lot like that guy, too, and I thought that was a signal that we were on, you know? I thought it would be a good match. But he broke my heart.
I can't go into the details just now -- too painful. But I still love him. And I decided to go back to church and see Bishop Higgins, because he always has the right answers, and he might help me prepare myself to be a better companion for my little Stevie (please, don't anyone tell him that I called him that or he'll report me as violating my terms of restrainment). But who knows -- if I start doing what God wants, then he may start giving me what I want. That's how it works, I think.
So thank all of you memers for making me feel so welcome coming back, and if you can put in a good word for me with Elder Stephen Erastus Knudsen III, I would be eternally gratefull. He's still the only I ever think about. Well, pretty much the only one. That Nate Peterson sure has nice guns.
People email me all the time and ask "Tabitha, where have you gone? We don't see you in Bishop Higgins ward anymore. What happened?"
Well, I fell in love. And I'm not a stalker! I don't need the restraining order that Mr. Righteous Pants filed against me. I just really love him. I always have.
I never have told anyone this story, but this is how we first met. I was in an alley and a bunch of guys were cornering me. They didn't have enough money between them and they were angry. And then I heard this magnificent voice shout, "Leave her alone. Go thy way and sin no more." He was so kinda tall, and sturdy, and he stood there with such confidence and authority. And he was FAST! Those guys chased him three blocks until he hopped a fence and just took off. And he outran them all. When the guys got back I asked if they knew his name, because I couldn't see it on his badge, but they didn't so I gave them a discount if they promised to find out, I never saw them again.
But I found him online. Elder Stephen Erastus Knudsen III. And he was so stalwart, which is such a turn on. I felt like that Mary Magdaline person and like he was that guy who drew the line in the sand and told the other guys that they could only through stones at her if they repented of their sins, and they didn't want to repent so they went away and he like totally saved her life. And I think they got married or something. And when I finally met him and told him this, he said he thinks he's a lot like that guy, too, and I thought that was a signal that we were on, you know? I thought it would be a good match. But he broke my heart.
I can't go into the details just now -- too painful. But I still love him. And I decided to go back to church and see Bishop Higgins, because he always has the right answers, and he might help me prepare myself to be a better companion for my little Stevie (please, don't anyone tell him that I called him that or he'll report me as violating my terms of restrainment). But who knows -- if I start doing what God wants, then he may start giving me what I want. That's how it works, I think.
So thank all of you memers for making me feel so welcome coming back, and if you can put in a good word for me with Elder Stephen Erastus Knudsen III, I would be eternally gratefull. He's still the only I ever think about. Well, pretty much the only one. That Nate Peterson sure has nice guns.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Hey, YOU!!!
You know, I think it is totally lame that you guys get on here and stare at my picture and read my innermost thoughts of my heart and you don't even have the courtesy to leave a little comment. Yes, your private emails are nice (and sometimes sick) but what's the point of blogging without some blogging buddies to blog with? I'm really dissapointed in all of you. I am totally hot and up for just about anything. Sheesh!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Keeping Secrets
People always tell me that I have a lot of talents, and usually I pretend that I don't know what they mean. But one of my best talents is that I am a great secret keeper. Like with Sam Jones in the ward, I have never told anyone what all those single gymnsocks are doing under his bed. And I have never even breathed a single word about Janelle and her little experimentations at Girls' camp (and yes, Janelle, it IS wrong even if it's not with a boy). But I'll take those secrets with me to my grave.
Friday, June 20, 2008
I think I've found him
You know how every girl makes a list in miamaids about the qualities she wants in her future husband? Well, I think I've found my guy. He is totally cute and spiritual and so completely righteous. His name is Stephen, he writes the cutest blog about how to seperate all the truth from the folklore, and I think I'm in love. But I don't think he knows I exist. Sometimes I think that no one does. I love you Stephen! Please, don't cast stones. Let me be your Magdalen!
I just hope it isn't too late.
I just hope it isn't too late.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Rated-R Movies
What is the big deal with "no Rated-R movies" anyway. That's not even in the Book of Mormon. They didn't even have movies back then. Plus, most of them are totally lame anyway. Even the NC-17 ones are pretty tame. Boring!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
So Gross!!
Okay, so Brother Porter, our fat bald disgusting new seminary teacher decided to give us this totally lame object lesson yesterday. French kissing is bad. Puh-lease! It is when you do it like that!! He put his tongue in a glass bottle and just wiggled it around for five minutes to gross us all out. His slobber dripped all over the floor. It was creepy the way he kept looking at me the whole time. He spent the rest of class sitting behind his desk. What a weirdo!
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