I think thast the 11th article of faith should be "Thou Shalt Not Fall in Love." In fact, they should pretty much just get rid of the other ten, except for the one about murder, that's pretty good. And maybe the one about being stingy.
People email me all the time and ask "Tabitha, where have you gone? We don't see you in Bishop Higgins ward anymore. What happened?"
Well, I fell in love. And I'm not a stalker! I don't need the restraining order that Mr. Righteous Pants filed against me. I just really love him. I always have.
I never have told anyone this story, but this is how we first met. I was in an alley and a bunch of guys were cornering me. They didn't have enough money between them and they were angry. And then I heard this magnificent voice shout, "Leave her alone. Go thy way and sin no more." He was so kinda tall, and sturdy, and he stood there with such confidence and authority. And he was FAST! Those guys chased him three blocks until he hopped a fence and just took off. And he outran them all. When the guys got back I asked if they knew his name, because I couldn't see it on his badge, but they didn't so I gave them a discount if they promised to find out, I never saw them again.
But I found him online. Elder Stephen Erastus Knudsen III. And he was so stalwart, which is such a turn on. I felt like that Mary Magdaline person and like he was that guy who drew the line in the sand and told the other guys that they could only through stones at her if they repented of their sins, and they didn't want to repent so they went away and he like totally saved her life. And I think they got married or something. And when I finally met him and told him this, he said he thinks he's a lot like that guy, too, and I thought that was a signal that we were on, you know? I thought it would be a good match. But he broke my heart.
I can't go into the details just now -- too painful. But I still love him. And I decided to go back to church and see Bishop Higgins, because he always has the right answers, and he might help me prepare myself to be a better companion for my little Stevie (please, don't anyone tell him that I called him that or he'll report me as violating my terms of restrainment). But who knows -- if I start doing what God wants, then he may start giving me what I want. That's how it works, I think.
So thank all of you memers for making me feel so welcome coming back, and if you can put in a good word for me with Elder Stephen Erastus Knudsen III, I would be eternally gratefull. He's still the only I ever think about. Well, pretty much the only one. That Nate Peterson sure has nice guns.
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3 comments:
Sister Clawson,
I am so sorry to read your story, for a few reasons. It pains me to inform you that it is not very likely that Brother Knudsen is in very regular communication with the Lord. He tried to expose Bishop Higgins last summer. I imagine whatever instruction the Lord gives him as a favor to you will fall on deaf ears.
As the 3rd Ward's only full time missionary, I'd like to extend an offer to you that if you need anything, or would like some kind of comfort, just let me know. Surprisingly, I have a LOT of time on my hands...
By the way, I was wondering, this alley you speak of, where is it located? I find that alleys are a fine place to find investigators and less-actives...How much...ahem...money should I be carrying on me in the alley? I wonder if my MSF will cover it...
Elder Rexy,
You look like Mr. October on my missionary calendar.
I sent you an add request on facebook. I have my picture up there that I submitted for the missionary calendar. I also included what they said about it...
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